‘At Epping a lad named Rogers was ordered to pay £1 damages for setting fire to a baby in a perambulator by throwing a lighted firework.’

– The Nelson Evening Mail, Wednesday, January 6, 1909

Tom McIlwaine is Rain Men ‘Player of the
Year’ for 2018.

Gary’s Bar is above the Alcoholics Anony-
mous office.

A white theatre director has been given
tax-payer funds earmarked for ‘practit-
ioners of colour’.

In the 1930s Swedish sailors still believed
the earth was flat.

Evelyn Waugh once wrote a preface for
the wrong book.

Ludwig van Beethoven produced the
finest, and healthiest, music of all time.

Horses are unable to vomit, intentionally
or otherwise.

Older people, who still watch TV news,
have more difficulty telling fact from
opinion, a study has shown.

A female assassin is not a pumpkin.

The world’s biggest Bible-factory is in
China.

There is an elite sub-category of people
who will defecate at crime scenes.

Dhinghra will be remembered in 2000
years, as we remember Regulus, Carac-
tacus and Plutarch’s heroes.

There are no beasts of burden in the
Congo.

ASH Smyth writes. Find out more at: www.ashsmyth.com.