#SATIREDAY: Songs I’ve Thought About Too Much

I’m intrigued/deeply concerned about what exactly Shania’s plans are for her big girl’s night out given she’s flagrantly refusing to ‘act politically correct’. On this one night celebrating her womanhood will she not give up the priority seat on the train?

Was CAKE’s Short Skirt, Long Jacket describing a chance encounter that had already happened, or were they planning to stakeout the city bank for weeks on end in the hope that eventually a girl will ask to borrow their pen? And if it’s the latter, how long did it take for them to realize that pens are everywhere at the bank, so the chances of someone asking to borrow one are slim?

If your battle scars appear as though they ‘ain’t never gonna change’ then doesn’t that mean they are fading, Guy Sebastian!!!!

When Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton first met, why did his overall plan to entice her revolve around the use of only a fine tooth comb he happened to have on his person at the time? Also what are the odds of Rogers literally punching you in the face if you chose to count your money while you were sitting at the table?

What was the joke Taylor Swift refers to at the start of You Belong With Me that she found amusing but this boy’s girlfriend didn’t? Was the joke concerning the girlfriend’s physical appearance? Did he give her an unflattering nickname like Chewbacca?

Do you think Jason Donovan ever sat outside Kylie’s flat violently weeping at 2am, with Especially for You flaring on a boombox, in a hopeless attempt to win back her affections?

If Lorde is so incensed over this man’s lying beach-loving ways, then why does she momentarily put that anger aside to give him a thoughtful pointer on beach safety/the importance keeping a close eye out for sharks? Is the serious nature shark attacks a topic that’s so close to Lorde’s heart, it transcends any feelings of bitterness she’s holding onto?

Do you think Bob Dylan ever considered gingerly breaking up with someone by singing It Ain’t Me Babe to them while giving them intentionally strong eye contact throughout the song?

Did it reassure any of Prince’s love interests to be told that they didn’t need to be beautiful to turn him on?

Ellen Muller is a Melbourne based publishing student in her final year of study. She can usually be found in the library basement doing some writing/editing work and flagrantly disobeying the ‘no food’ sign. You can find more of her writing at poesveryattractivecousin.wordpress.com or @ellen_jane_muller.

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