1995: Sexy Lawyer
Legal pad for notes
Shoulder pads for fashion
Knee pads for promotions
Fishnets and Stilettos
2000: Sexy Teacher
Public radio tote bag full of student essays
Glasses (black, plastic) to be flung dramatically aside when someone says “Holy shit, Teach is HOTTT!”
Virginal white shirt, unbuttoned just enough to expose a peek of Teach’s spangled bra for that make-ends-meet second job at the strip club
Fishnets and Stilettos
2005: Sexy Politician
A suit jacket, to show you’re a “man”
A clinging fitted button-down shirt, to show you’re a woman
A tie around your forehead, to show you’re drunk, and a pricetag around your neck, to show you’re receptive to con$tituent$$$$
Fishnets and Stilettos
2010: Sexy Suffragette
Knee-length Victorian garb, complete with corset, even though that’s not the point—in fact, is pretty much the opposite of the point
Fancy hat with feathers
Sign: “Bong Hits for Women”
Fishnets and Stilettos
2015: Sexy Nurse
Oversized syringe filled with tequila
White coat (size: Tight)
T-shirt (size: Super-tight) printed with slogan “Actually, I do way more than the sexy doctor”
Fishnets and Stilettos
2016: Sexy Scientist
Test tubes full of vodka
Safety glasses from work
“MIT Alum” T-shirt: yes yours, really, not your boyfriend’s
Fishnets and Stilettos and flats in a bag
2017: Sexy Jellyfish
Blue T-shirt (size: comfortable)
White garbage bag tied at waist, cut into tentacles
Fishnets and flats
Stilettos (held in hands to “sting” gropey drunks)
2018: Sexy Dynamite
Red leotard
Fuse
Match
Just cause: Fishnets and Stilettos
2019: Sexy Ghost
Sheet: white, billowing, so loose and breezy
Skeletal hands: to claw out the eyes of the patriarchs and rip their hearts out of their chests
Fishnets: size L(arge-enough-to-lower-them-into-the-sea)
Stilettos: to toss in after them while whispering, ghostlike: Happy Fucking Halloween
Tara Campbell (www.taracampbell.com) is a writer, teacher, Kimbilio Fellow, and fiction editor at Barrelhouse. Prior publication credits include SmokeLong Quarterly, Masters Review, Jellyfish Review, Booth, Strange Horizons, and Escape Pod/Artemis Rising. She's the author of a novel, TreeVolution, and two collections, Circe's Bicycle and Midnight at the Organporium.