MISFIT DOC: Sexy Halloween: A Chronology

1995: Sexy Lawyer

Legal pad for notes

Shoulder pads for fashion

Knee pads for promotions

Fishnets and Stilettos


2000: Sexy Teacher

Public radio tote bag full of student essays

Glasses (black, plastic) to be flung dramatically aside when someone says “Holy shit, Teach is HOTTT!”

Virginal white shirt, unbuttoned just enough to expose a peek of Teach’s spangled bra for that make-ends-meet second job at the strip club

Fishnets and Stilettos


2005: Sexy Politician

A suit jacket, to show you’re a “man”

A clinging fitted button-down shirt, to show you’re a woman

A tie around your forehead, to show you’re drunk, and a pricetag around your neck, to show you’re receptive to con$tituent$$$$

Fishnets and Stilettos


2010: Sexy Suffragette

Knee-length Victorian garb, complete with corset, even though that’s not the point—in fact, is pretty much the opposite of the point

Fancy hat with feathers

Sign: “Bong Hits for Women”

Fishnets and Stilettos


2015: Sexy Nurse

Oversized syringe filled with tequila

White coat (size: Tight)

T-shirt (size: Super-tight) printed with slogan “Actually, I do way more than the sexy doctor”

Fishnets and Stilettos


2016: Sexy Scientist

Test tubes full of vodka

Safety glasses from work

“MIT Alum” T-shirt: yes yours, really, not your boyfriend’s

Fishnets and Stilettos and flats in a bag


2017: Sexy Jellyfish

Blue T-shirt (size: comfortable)

White garbage bag tied at waist, cut into tentacles

Fishnets and flats

Stilettos (held in hands to “sting” gropey drunks)


2018: Sexy Dynamite

Red leotard



Just cause: Fishnets and Stilettos


2019: Sexy Ghost

Sheet: white, billowing, so loose and breezy

Skeletal hands: to claw out the eyes of the patriarchs and rip their hearts out of their chests

Fishnets: size L(arge-enough-to-lower-them-into-the-sea)

Stilettos: to toss in after them while whispering, ghostlike: Happy Fucking Halloween


Tara Campbell (www.taracampbell.com) is a writer, teacher, Kimbilio Fellow, and fiction editor at Barrelhouse. Prior publication credits include SmokeLong Quarterly, Masters Review, Jellyfish Review, Booth, Strange Horizons, and Escape Pod/Artemis Rising. She's the author of a novel, TreeVolution, and two collections, Circe's Bicycle and Midnight at the Organporium.

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