I do not

give a fuck

whether you are Rob from Eastbourne

Or Sally from Scunthorpe

 

If you order takeaway,

follow a paleo

diet

cook from scratch

and organic

play flute in a bedsit in Coulsdon South

or the bongo in Hackney Downs

just to name some of the things I give zero fucks about.

 

If you have seborrheic eczema

of the scalp

irritable bowel syndrome

halitosis

or

manspread

because of a massive pair

of testicles

or you hate listicles,

like this one.

 

I am sand.

I get in your crack.

Been here forever.

And ever.

Like one hundred years.

 

And I am made of finely divided rock and mineral particles,

defined by size as finer than gravel and coarser than silt.

 

I am sand. That’s it.

Sand.

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Fernando Sdrigotti (@f_sd) is a Middle-Aged White Man?