WHEN YOU ASK HOW I AM DOING

I am
eating out
my gold fillings
at Ocean Beach
slatted light
splits me open
on the tiled floor
I wear a cracked token
as a necklace
and to be more
reflective
in the office
keep a machete
inside my pants
it’s amazing
thinking
I can be
so adulterous
texting
I’m pretty
okay
why
do I have to feel
for all
other women
their softer edges
non-
toxic skin
I hate everything
they do
inside my poems
all I want is more
celebrity
and acetone
cash falling
into my crevice
they say I’ll never
break free
hoarding too much
estrogen
olives
a smalling voice
sorry
for my body
fuzzing over
I’m going to stop
its tiny
contraption
and reindeer moss
I spritz it all
lightly
the smell
of the sea
like the feeling of
starting over
from the trenches
where I run
out of ammo
there’s
something to be said
about a woman’s
staying power
in ungodly hours
it’s like
we have bruised
pattern
recognition
I’m not really sure
why
I comb my heart
I just do
and
am too large
to stop

A finalist for both the 2018 Center for Book Arts Poetry Chapbook Contest and the 2019 Boaat Chapbook Prize, Stevie Belchak is a graduate of the English MFA for Poets & Writers at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst. Her work can be found forthcoming or published in Pinwheel Journal, Hobart Pulp, Blush Lit, Third Coast, Dream Pop Press, Metatron's #MicroMeta series, and JetFuel Review.

Image by Lucas Davies on Unsplash