SUBMIT SATIRE TO SATIRE@QUEENMOBS.COM
What is satire?
To put it simply:
An old man turned ninety-eight.
He won the Euromillions lottery and died the very next day, but not because he’d splurged the money on partying: he died from something sad, boring, and age-related.
Satire is a black fly in your big, fat, oaky, Chardonnay (yum!).
Satire is a death row pardon… two minutes too late (though it might be of some comfort to your friends and family, who could probably sue for a massive amount, which might ease their grief).
Isn’t it satire, don’t’cha think?
Satire is like rain on your wedding day,
Satire is a free ride when you’ve already paid,
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take
Who would’ve thought, it figures?
Are you with me so far?
Mr. Play It Safe (that was his real name) was afraid to fly in an aeroplane,
He packed his suitcase and kissed (not like that) his kids good-bye.
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight because he booked it as a baby,
And as the plane crashed down he thought, “Well, isn’t this nice!?”
No, it’s not nice, My Play It Safe: it’s satire, don’t’cha think?
It’s like rain on your wedding day,
It’s a free ride on the dodgems when you’ve already paid,
It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take because it came from a moron,
Who would’ve thought, it figures?
Well, satire has a funny way of sneaking up on you, like horses do.
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right,
And satire has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face, like horses do for cowboys, but not for the rest of us.
Satire is:
- A traffic jam when you’re already late and you’re travelling by car or road-based public transport (eg a bus or minicab);
- A “no-smoking or vaping” sign on your cigarette or vape break;
- Like ten thousand sporks when all you need is a knife, and you don’t need either a spoon or a fork;
- It’s meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife, but then finding out their marriage is strictly monogamous and still sexually satisfying and he’s sooooo into her he won’t even be up for something casual because “he’d feel bad about it”, even if you repeatedly clarify that there would be no strings attached, which you begrudgingly respect, in a way.
And isn’t it satire, don’t’cha think?
A little too much satire, yeah… I really do think!
Satire is like rain on your wedding day,
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid.
It’s the good advice that you JUST DIDN’T TAKE.
Who would’ve thought, it figures?
Well, satire has a funny way of sneaking up on you,
And satire has a funny way of helping you out…
Help Queen Mob’s out: submit satire to satire@queenmobs.com
Scott Manley Hadley is Satire Editor at Queen Mob’s Teahouse and Resident Indie Book Reviewer at Open Pen. He has a dog and he’s great fun, like a cheeky, greedy, panda. Read all about him at www.scottmanleyhadley.com
Alanis Nadine Morissette is a Canadian singer, songwriter, multi-instrumentalist, record producer, and actress. Known for her emotive mezzo-soprano voice, Morissette began her career in Canada in the early 1990s with two mildly successful dance-pop albums.[1][2][3] Afterwards, as part of a recording deal, she moved to Holmby Hills, Los Angeles and in 1995 released Jagged Little Pill, a more rock-oriented album which sold more than 33 million copies globally and is her most critically acclaimed work.[4][5][6][7] Her follow-up album, Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie, was released in 1998.
Morissette assumed creative control and producing duties for her subsequent studio albums, including Under Rug Swept (2002), So-Called Chaos (2004), and Flavors of Entanglement (2008). Her eighth studio album and most recent to date, Havoc and Bright Lights, was released in 2012. Morissette has sold more than 75 million records worldwide and has been dubbed the “Queen of Alt-Rock Angst” by Rolling Stone.