- Poem on a Dress
I bought this
For a dinner date
That I was sure
Would lead to dancing.
- Poem on a Bathing Suit
I have a very large bust,
So I have not found
A decent swimsuit
In many years.
I was a little scared
To buy a swimsuit
Online,
But once I found this one,
It was love at first sight.
My only complaint
Is the halter.
- Poem on a Pair of Shorts
Great, flattering shorts.
I pair them with heels
Or boots,
Which make me look
Taller
And slimmer.
- Poem on a Blouse
The sleeves
Are weird.
Returning.
- Poem on a Skirt
My husband
Doesn’t like
This skirt
Because he says
It’s too long.
I think it’s retro,
But I’m going to return it.
So just know
That it’s on
The long side.
- Poem on Leggings
Best.
Leggings.
Ever.
Awesome color,
Pattern,
And fabric.
- Poem on a Sweater
This sweater is
Swimming
On me,
And coming off
My shoulders.
DO NOT SIZE UP.
- Poem on a Pair of Shoes
My husband saw these
Online
And thought
They were very
Nice-looking.
I was already considering
Buying them.
His comment decided it.
- Poem on a Romper
I really wanted
To like this romper,
But it is way too short
In the torso
So it will ride up
Your crack.
- Poem on Graphic Tee
This runs long,
But it can be
Tucked in.
Susan Harlan is an English professor at Wake Forest University, and her work has appeared in venues including The Guardian US, Roads & Kingdoms, The Morning News, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, Atlas Obscura, The Toast, Public Books, and The Establishment.