TOP 10 NIGHTMARES OF 2014
- There’s a gremlin on the wing of the plane. No one else seems to notice him but me. He bears an uncanny resemblance to Steve Guttenberg.
- A tailor tricks me into thinking that he’s made me really fancy clothing. It turns out that I’ve been walking around in a Juicy Couture sweatsuit.
- All of my teeth fall out. I get some really good dentures, but I can’t eat Laffy Taffy anymore.
- I finally have all the time to read in the world; the catch is that the only book left is Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections.
- I go back in time and accidentally kill the guy who invented the spoon. Pudding as we know it ceases to exist.
- I’m trapped in Queen Mob’s Teahouse being chased by an endless army of hedgehogs.
- I’m back in high school. Nothing particularly bad is happening; high school just kind of sucked.
- I’m stuck in a Goya painting, but it’s not even one of the good ones.
- I look in the mirror, but I see someone else’s face. I’m Steve Guttenberg.
- Existence is the eternal nightmare that plagues us all.
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