“You have any plans for this afternoon?”

“You have any plans for this evening?”

“You have any plans for this week?”

“You have any plans for this month?”

“You have any plans for this year?”

“You have any plans for what you would do if you inherited a million dollars?”

“You have any plans for what you would do if you got gravely ill?”

“You have a five-year plan?”

“You have a ten-year plan?”

“You have a fifteen-year plan?”

“You have any plans to get a dog?”

“You have any plans to get a cat?”

“You have any plans to get a domesticated hedgehog?”

“You have any plans to settle down and get married?”

“You have any plans to buy a house?”

“You have any plans to have kids or just like one kid if that is all you want?”

“You have any plans to take out a second mortgage on your house?”

“You have any plans to travel to the Great Pyramid of Giza?”

“You have any plans to take a Viking River Cruise?”

“You have any plans to scale Mount Everest or at least maybe just part of it?”

“You have any plans to pay off your student loan debt?”

“You have any plans for maintaining your health and wellness?”

“You have any plans for long-term financial security?”

“You have any plans for long-term happiness and fulfillment?”

“You have any plans to improve yourself in a substantial way?”

“You have any plans for your retirement?”

“You have any plans for when your parents get older and can no longer care for themselves?”

“You have any plans for their funerals like what kind of caskets and what color the flowers will be?”

“You have any plans for your funeral like what the food will be and who will say stuff?”

“You have any plans for the distribution of your limited assets after you die?”

“You planning to make this chicken parm for dinner?”

 

Susan Harlan's writing has appeared in venues including The Guardian US, The Paris Review Daily, The Toast, Roads & Kingdoms, The Common, The Morning News, Curbed, Queen Mob’s Tea House, Avidly, The Hairpin, Public Books, and The Awl. She teaches English literature at Wake Forest University, and her book Luggage is out with the Bloomsbury series Object Lessons.

Photo by Aranami (Flickr).