Do your vital signs plummet at the mere thought of a Dirty Doctor/Naughty Nurse liaison? Has your Teacher/Student fantasy become a standardized test to which every answer is “None of the above”? Are the endings to your fairy tale fantasies far from happy?

Then take your sessions in the sack from stale to superlative with the following roleplaying scenarios.

Leftover Rotisserie Chicken/Venus Flytrap

Obsessive-Compulsive/Unalphabetized Spice Rack

Arsonist with a Messiah Complex/Megachurch

Unlimited Soup, Salad, and Breadsticks/Ravenous

Highlight Reel of No-Look Bounce Passes

Urban Sprawl/NIMBY

Big Pharma/List of Possible Side Effects

Lone Survivor of a Meth Lab Explosion

10% of iPhone Battery Remaining/“Siri, tell me everything you know about mediocrity.”

Amazon Prime/Impulse Buyer with an Eye for Mock Turtlenecks

Seven Tupac Conspiracy Theories That Will Leave You Speechless

Dante’s Nine Circles of Hell

Narcoleptic Driving a Stolen Ford Festiva/Rumble Strip

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Tectonic Plates Jockeying for Position at a Jazz Brunch

Robyn Schindeldecker is a Minneapolis-born, Internet-bred writer with a penchant for probing and prodding life's absurdities. When she's not making a mess in the wordsmith’s forge, she can be found making a mess eating sandwiches and looking for a silver lining where none exists.