I know this is hard to believe but the Queen is a little insecure. And extremely vain. Sometimes she just lies around feeding herself grapes and imagining all the obituaries that will flood the interwebs (even in North Korea!!) once her dazzling self has been removed from it (o, terrible day indeed!!).
So, the Queen wants to read some now!
And you need to send them to us! (plz)
Note: these touching obituaries may include but should not necessarily be limited to:
—-What sort of life did the Queen lead??
—-What some of her famous exploits were (conquests, also, wink-wink)??
—-What sort of timely or untimely demise did she meet??
—-What world leaders, celebrities and other dignitaries are expected at her funeral??
—-What tributes have poured in? (from, obviously, such luminaries as Bill Clinton, Peyton Manning, Shakira, Donald Duck, Angela Merkel, Heidi Klum, The Roadrunner, Angelina Jolie, Boo, Rion Scott, The Biebs, Homer Simpson, Conan O’Brien, Vanilla Ice, etc, etc)
—-What sort of funeral is expected?? (lavish, simple, what kind of flowers???)
—-Famous “Queen Quotes.” (Profound ones, Naughty ones. Blah, Blah.)
—-The details of her last will and testament.
—-Her “war” heroics (The Boer War, The Falklands, Margaret Thatcher’s Bathroom, etc)
—-The night she spent with Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced “Bouquet,” of course).
—-Her famous tour to America in 1964 (with the Pope, his holiness).
—-The time she was a Canary and brought down the god damned house!!
—-The time she sang happy birthday for JFK. And the debauchery that ensued!
—-The time she was abducted by aliens and, coarsely, subjected to terrible indignities.
—-Her favorite movies. Her favorite pet. Her favorite heavy metal bands.
Make the Queen happy! Send us some obits. Ok ?? Don’t make us get “rough” !!!
plz send all submissions to other[at]queenmobs[dot]com