SATIRE: Reason for Return

MF Dating Service

A subsidiary of #MeFirst for Men Corp.

Return Form

Check all that apply

Girlfriend ID#: _____


□ Too old

□ Under-age (statutory)


□  Breasts too small                    □  Head hair too short                 □  Color too dark

□  Breasts too large                     □  Head hair too long                   □  Color too light

□  Legs too long                           □  Head hair not blonde              □  Did not like color

□  Legs too short                         □  Head hair too blonde               □  Color did not match friends/family

□  Butt too large                          □  Hair (other) exists                    □  Resting bitch face

□  Butt too flat                            □  Hair (other) absent                   □  Missing/extra body parts

□  Too tall                                   □  Hair (other) wild                       □  Does not exactly match profile pic

□  Too short                                □  Eyes roll when I talk                 □  Does not resemble profile pic at all

□  Acne                                        □  Accusing eyes                           □  Not Scarlett Johansson

□  Stretch marks                         □  Crazy eyes

□  Wrinkles                                  □  Has tattoos

□  Cellulite                                   □  Does not have tattoos

Personal Characteristics

□  Too loud                    □  Cheerful                            □  Bitchy                             □  Emotional baggage

□  Too quiet                   □  Depressed                          □  Bossy                              □  Physical baggage

□  No volume control    □  Not in sync w/my moods  □  High Maintenance        □  Kid(s)

□  Jealous exes

Bedroom Satisfaction (if applicable)

□  Too aggressive                                    □  Not enough/frigid

□  Too passive                                        □  Too demanding/nympho

□  Not enough about me                       □  Lady in the streets/freak in the sheets

□  Too much about her                         □  Not a lady in the streets/freak in the sheets


□  I don’t remember ordering this item

Enclose this form with your return in a sturdy box with a minimum of eight (8) airholes. Penalties for damage/destruction of the returnee will result in criminal prosecution in select coastal states.

Marcy Dilworth is a recovering finance professional finally pursuing her love of writing. Recent stories have been published in Writer’s Resist, Literary Mama, and Blink-Ink’s 10th Anniversary edition. She lives in Virginia with her husband where they serve their precocious rescue pup, Kirby. Oh, and she has a couple wonderful kids.


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