1. Guiltlessly continue putting off that New Year’s resolution to join a gym!
  2. Nobody can smell your body odor from six feet away!
  3. No more panic after forgetting your gang’s secret handshake!
  4. Constipation is now a blessing: conserve that toilet paper!
  5. Spend every night alone eating pints of cookie-dough ice cream and watching American Idol repeats without feeling like a loser!
  6. Being a germaphobe no longer makes you look like a weirdo!
  7. Finally play out that fantasy of attending business meetings naked from the waist down!
  8. Hide cold sores, facial warts, absent teeth and other unsightly features behind a smooth surgical mask!
  9. Get entire subway cars to yourself, just by coughing!
  10. The Olympics are cancelled!
  11. Work on that long-haired hippie look you always wanted without jeopardising your banking career!
  12. Abandon those doomed attempts to find a date for your cousin’s destination wedding!
  13. Look forward to proudly wearing an “I Survived The Coronavirus” t-shirt, or – better yet – being dead!

Ben Krull is a lawyer and freelance writer living in Brooklyn New York. I wear multicolored bandanas around my face when going outside.

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