- Guiltlessly continue putting off that New Year’s resolution to join a gym!
- Nobody can smell your body odor from six feet away!
- No more panic after forgetting your gang’s secret handshake!
- Constipation is now a blessing: conserve that toilet paper!
- Spend every night alone eating pints of cookie-dough ice cream and watching American Idol repeats without feeling like a loser!
- Being a germaphobe no longer makes you look like a weirdo!
- Finally play out that fantasy of attending business meetings naked from the waist down!
- Hide cold sores, facial warts, absent teeth and other unsightly features behind a smooth surgical mask!
- Get entire subway cars to yourself, just by coughing!
- The Olympics are cancelled!
- Work on that long-haired hippie look you always wanted without jeopardising your banking career!
- Abandon those doomed attempts to find a date for your cousin’s destination wedding!
- Look forward to proudly wearing an “I Survived The Coronavirus” t-shirt, or – better yet – being dead!
Ben Krull is a lawyer and freelance writer living in Brooklyn New York. I wear multicolored bandanas around my face when going outside.