SATIRE: Booking a Flight to Mars on

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 ⓘ Outbound flights for this destination have a minimum duration of 150 days.


Thank you for choosing EA and letting us connect you to the solar system!

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2 to 3 days.

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ⓘ Customers who wish to keep their session active should be situated near to their PC or mobile device at all times and remain alert and hydrated.


 Time to get your tickets!

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Please review your itinerary.


Thurs, Aug 05, 2069, 10.30 am, Cape Canaveral Air Force Station (CCAFS) à Fri, Mar 18, 2070, 6.15 pm, Mars Space Station (MSS)

Potential Return:

Fri, Apr 01, 2070, 12.05pm, Mars Space Station (MSS) à Sat, 12 Nov, 2070, 2.45am, Cape Canaveral Air Force Station (CCAFS)


Please enter your personal details below.

ⓘ The trip you have selected requires travel documentation, including a passport and a Martian visa. If you don’t have a Martian visa, you can use this tool to apply online.

Earth Airlines has been made aware of the reported difficulties faced by customers in some areas of Latin America, Africa, Eastern Europe and South East Asia in obtaining a requisite Martian visa and travel endowments as a consequence of recent ecological and thermonuclear crises. EA continues to work alongside a multitude of regional authorities in the hope of resolving such issues for all of our customers.


Please select your luggage requirements.


You’re travelling without luggage!

Given the duration of your trip and the possibility of your return flight being infeasible, we recommend that all passengers travel with a minimum of one luggage item.

Add a luggage item now and save up to 50%!


Are you sure one luggage item is enough? When you’re travelling to Mars?

Add more luggage items now and save up to 50%!


Thank you!


Wanna hear something out of this world? We have exclusive special offers available for your trip!

This year EA has teamed up with Twentieth Century Fox to mark the fiftieth anniversary of Ad Astra, the 2019 space thriller which follows Roy McBride (Brad Pitt) on a mission across an unforgiving solar system to uncover the truth about his missing father—and which includes an early depiction of a commercial space flight!

Unfortunately we’re unable to offer Ad Astra promos to passengers in Basic Economy, so click below to see what’s available when you upgrade to any of our premium travel classes:

Stellar Economy

Main Cabin

Main Cabin Galactic



Celestial Business

Celestial First

Celestial First Plus

Infinity Celestial First Plus

Infinity Celestial First Plus Extra

Infinity Celestial First Extra Plus

Extra First Celestial Galactic Spaceship Infinity Cosmos Brad Pitt Spaceship Extra First Infinity Plus First Extra†

† Additional legroom not included.


Please select seats for your journeys.


You don’t want to select a seat?

Don’t get stuck in the middle on a 300-day non-stop flight!


Are you sure you don’t want to select a seat?

Secure a window seat now to get the best view of your home planet as you see it for probably the final time!


Thank you!

You’ve selected seat 12A.


Please review your basket and choose a payment method:

Original base rate: $1,176,000 USD

Promotional discount (PM301P): – $1500 USD

Promotional discount (PM350L): – $350 USD

Discounted base rate: $1,174,150 USD

VAT rate: $5,500,000 USD

Domestic taxes: $1,700,000 USD

Extraterrestrial taxes: $2,600,000 USD

Optional services: $1,900,000 USD

10 kg extra in carry-on luggage: $9,900,000 USD

VAT Services: $6,600,000 USD

VAT Services: $5,100,000 USD

VAT Services: $8,900,000 USD

Just, whatever: $7,700,000 USD

Total: $89,690,332 USD


Woohoo! You’re going to Mars!

We’re pleased to inform you that your booking qualifies you for special deals on flight, transport and hotel packages.

Treat yourself to a super-cool Mars Buggy and make a reservation at Trump Interplanetary Hotel Mars—the only NASA- and Roscosmos-certified human habitat on the planet!

Tony Coleman is an English teacher and writer from Liverpool, England who lives in Guadalajara, Mexico for some reason. You can contact him at

This piece was originally published at Little Old Lady Comedy.

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