S/he regularly wears one or more articles of clothing boldly emblazoned with the organisation’s iconic three-letter logo

S/he argues passionately against the implementation of universal background checks for the purchase of all imported Scandinavian home furnishings

S/he owns a vehicle decorated with a bumper sticker stating that “Sauli Niinistö is my president”

S/he often stands outside NCC headquarters on Park Avenue in NY handing out propaganda promoting the organization’s upcoming Scandinavian film screenings

S/he labels all those who vilify the Scandinavian winter as “effeminate” and “weak”

S/he frequently cites information gleamed from the pages of the organization’s own quarterly magazine as irrefutable fact

S/he possesses an absurd number of Scandinavian cookbooks that can’t be bought in stores, but only lets those within the inner circle of trusted family and friends view the collection

S/he frequently lobbies Congressional representatives to oppose any new legislation involving age limits for attending the nation’s many Nordic cultural festivals and conventions

S/he owns more official NCC canvas tote bags than could ever seem reasonable because “you just never know when you might need them”

S/he tweets excessively about the need to support the organization’s mission of defending American citizens’ Constitutional right to cultural exchange with the Nordic nations

S/he always uses the word “patriotic” when describing the NCC’s various fellowships and grants programs

When not attempting to promote Leif Eriksson awareness, Rowdy Geirsson barely maintains and sometimes contributes low-quality writings at McSweeneys, Metal Sucks and Points in Case. He lives in the grim and frostbitten hinterlands of Norumbega and struggles to find meaning in the twitterverse @RGeirsson.

This piece was amended in November 2021.

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