FICTION: Stay With Me

We are here, in this room, the room where we go in with the Occasional People and it is always cold and they touch Me while You touch Me and I look up at You and You look at Me and then You touch Me again, harder, under, and I think that I can be calm and then I am calm because You make Me calm. Why are we here with the Occasional People? It isn’t time for them. We have been seeing the Occasional People more. I know I have been hurting. I am slow and I am thirsty. I do not mean to be this way. Are we here for this this reason? I am sorry I bathroom more. I am sorry about that. I am sorry that I stare at You in the night, my mouth open, waiting for You to look at Me and then You wake and look at me Me and smell Me and there is a smile under that anger but I understand why that smile takes so long to appear. I do not mean to bathroom. You do not have to pick it up. You can wait. We all bathroom. I can smell bathroom on You sometimes. You did not need to bring Me to the Occasional People because I have been doing bathroom inside. I will be better. I will turn off bathroom. I will remember You and what You say and where I need to go for bathroom. I will follow orders, I will. I will eat my food too. I will stand. It is hard for Me now but I will do this. It is hard for You sometimes too. I see You in morning some days having trouble and I see that You are like Me, being slow. We are the same. You are in charge. In charge of Me. That is why I love You. You tell Me to eat my food and I try to but everything that is hungry in me has dried up. I am trying. Just like You, I am trying. I know that I am no longer pup. We had fun then, didn’t we? We had fun then. We would go to park and we would run and run and run and I would pick up leaf and stick and grass in My mouth and I would chew and chew and chew and You would come over to Me, your head on its side, looking at Me like You are laying down, and tap-tap my nose to tell Me to let it out and I did that. It taste good. That’s why I did it. I did not mean to get stuck when we went to park last. It was where You sit that I could not get around. It was so big. I could not move around where You sit. I heard You, I did, saying to walk around. I could see where you were pointing but there was a big black You on the ground. I thought I would fall in. I was too scared to move. Then You picked Me up and around where You sit. It was not a big black You. It was nothing. I was mistaken. We never went back to park again. Is that water on you? I see water. The Occasional People and You talk and You are making water. Can I taste? I want to taste your water so I can feel what is inside You. You let Me do that. Remember? You make water on me and I lick You so I can taste You and I know You are good but something is making You water that I do not know so I try to make You not-water. That is my job. You have been making water a lot more and that hurts me because You turn different colors when you are water. The Occasional People are touching Me and You are looking away with your water. Please look at Me. I want to see You when they touch Me because You make Me feel better. I do not care that those parts, those spots, are making water. I want to see them. I want You to know that I am here. I am tired. But do not make water. The Occasional People laid Me down like You do. The only difference is that we are here, in this room. Eech! They stuck Me. The Occasional People stuck Me. This is why I do not like Occasional People because they do this. Why did they stick Me? You are shaking Your head at Me and You are water. Please do not be water. Give Me your water. Let me taste the water. I am tired and it is all fuzzy like my head is under You. I feel like I am wrapped in You and we are sleeping. That is my favorite thing to do with You. Sleeping. But You are wet now and I do not want You to be wet now. You are going. Where are You going? Stay here, in this room? Do not follow the Occasional People. Do not go away from Me. They always do this. They always take You away from Me. Where are they taking You? The Occasional People are around Me and they are looking at Me and they touch Me and that is nice but they are not You and I do not see You and I want to see You even if You are wet but I cannot and the Occasional People have their faces covered and I cannot taste them or hear them and they are holding Me and they are rubbing Me but that does not help Me have You when all I want is You holding me because now I am tired and I pant because I am worried about You and Me and where they took You and if You are wet somewhere and I cannot taste You and I do not trust these Occasional People because of what they do to Me and what they must have done to You and I will hurt them if they hurt You but where are You? Eech! The Occasional People stuck me, in this room. You are not here, in this room. My panting will not stop. I feel myself spreading like I am wet, going everywhere, slowly. I feel like I am in a hot spot, where I love to lay. But the hot spot in this room. I love when we have hot spots and we lay in the hot spots and we both make pant. I like that. Are you having a hot spot feeling somewhere? We had a hot spot feeling before we came here. You made wet with me in hot spot and we had the hot spot feeling together. You made a lot of wet. You made wet and You said I love You forever. I have heard I love You forever before and before and before, back from when we first met, when I was pup. I had been waiting for You. In truth, I was waiting for anyone. I have not told You this. You came for Me and You were wet then like You are wet now and I remember You said I love You forever and I did not know what this meant but now I do because you said can I keep her? That meant we would be together and I still think about You saying can I keep her? I think this when You are not with me. I remember You will come back, that You say I love You again. There have been many days and times where I let that never coming back feeling into my head but then I remember the can I keep her? I remember I love You forever. Then I know that I will see You. You make me feel very good. You brought me hot spots. You brought me park. You brought me so many things to taste and feel. You give me everything. But where are You now? I am tired. My pant is slowing and I am more and more tired but I still want to know what the Occasional People did with You. If I need to be better, I will be better, if that means You coming back. I will remember how I was and I will be how I was. I will remember to be good. I can be pup. This tired though. A lot of tired. The tired is very heavy and like a hot spot in me. What did these Occasional People do? I am heavy on Me. When are You coming? I am waiting. Please come back and do not be wet. Or be wet but be wet with Me. Touch Me. Please touch Me. I cannot move anymore. The tired is very heavy. Why cannot move? Panting slow. They touch Me. Occasional People. Where are You? Why cannot move. Sleep. Tired, tired. Heavy. Warm but no hot spot. Where are You? Stay with Me. We are here. Touch Me. Here. Can I keep

Kyle Raymond Fitzpatrick is a writer based in Los Angeles. He completed an MFA at Otis College of Art & Design and recently wrapped up a LARB/USC Publishing fellowship.

Image: Girl with Dog, Pierre Bonnard, 1922

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