Hey, I know this is an awkward e-mail to receive, but you know me, just so awkward! I am writing to say that I am sorry I have to stick you with this lease, but my parents and I talked about it and it’s time I moved back home. Plus you are just so resourceful, I know you’ll find a sublettor.
My parents, so annoying, right? They said they don’t see the point in paying my rent, groceries or utilities anymore. If I just moved back in with them, it would actually be cheaper for them. How can I even argue with that? And they have the pool, and cable. I wouldn’t have to worry about alternative-week city parking, I can just use their big driveway and not even think about it. I wouldn’t get towed again! It would be so much easier for everyone.
Too good to pass up, right? And like I said, you are sooooo hardworking. Like when our utility bill was $400 a month all winter because I kept waking up in the middle of the night to turn the thermostat to 76 degrees, and then whoops, I would forget that I did that and also forget that you were working overnight at the grocery store (or tending bar? You are like, just so high in demand) and then leave the apartment with it on high. Like I said, I’m so awkward, right? But you never complained or got mad at me! You just kept picking up jobs and forking over the checks. I know it was a struggle this year, my mom will not leave me alone about how I went so far over my allowance each month! How embarrassing! Maybe this time, my mom will get me into better habits. I still don’t know how to cook, and I am so bad at grocery shopping, but maybe there’s hope for me!
So that’s the plan… well, I am going to try really, really hard to meet someone on Tinder this summer. You know, a stable, nice guy who my parents will like. I don’t think I’ll move out again until I get engaged. (Thanks for all those offers to set me up with your brother, he is so good-looking and funny. But he works on cars all day, you know? Our schedules wouldn’t match. I need someone to text me throughout the day—that’s just who I am!)
But really, the purpose of this e-mail is to say: I am sorry I have to back out of this lease nine months in, especially after last Friday night when we both stayed in to shotgun all of HBO’s Girls together. It was such a fun night, we drank all that wine and shared a pint of gelato. I’ve never felt closer to you, since we became rando-roommates because of Craigslist last spring.
You really opened up to me that night, about how important it is to support the women in your life, no matter what they’re going through, no matter how self-absorbed we all must be in our 20s. You said that you were proud of being a renter, an unmarried woman, a working woman. Even if it may not look like much on paper, you said you felt like your life was your own.
And I admire that soooooooo much, but summer is coming and we don’t have central air, but my parents’ huge house in the suburbs is like a morgue in August, just so refreshing, and I cannot resist any longer! It’s just who I need to be, so good luck finding someone to sublet this week, you can just throw all my stuff away because everything my parents buy me is much, much nicer LOL!
Laura Eppinger is a Pushcart-nominated writer of fiction, poetry and essay. She graduated from Marquette University in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA in 2008 with a degree in Journalism, and she's been writing creatively ever since. She's the blog editor at Newfound Journal. Her full publications list lives here.