8) USE YOUR ALLUSION had a sestina in the Best of the Net 2014 anthology, and everybody knows the TROCHEES and LEVEON BELL JAR think sestinas are bullshit.

7) THE PYRRHIC FEET refused to write a blurb for the chapbook THE ASSONANCE had coming out in January 2018, citing creative differences and that one bullshit trade offer for Odell Beckham, Jr.

6) THE 69ERS team name determined to be sexist and gross and suspiciously like something a fiction writer would think was funny.

5) Original plans to hold fantasy draft at Barcade in Brooklyn scrapped when the owner of THE RHYME ROYAL decided to leave early for Iowa Writers Workshop.

4) THE CAPTIVE NOSEGAYS offers to trade Robert Griffin III plus Doug Baldwin for every team’s starting quarterback and WR1 seemed naive at first, and then a little funny, and then just annoying, but when it became clear that it was some kind of performative art piece within the context of fantasy football, it just wound up feeling hacky and sophomoric.

3) Discouraging VIDA count.

2) Very strong suspicion that the owner of VERSES RHYMES LIFE was actually a slam poet and not a poet poet.

1) Rhyming.

Dave Housley’s fantasy football team name is the Foppish Dandies. He is not a poet, but is the originator of the “Fucking Poets, Man” t-shirt. His latest collection of short fiction is called “If I Knew the Way, I Would Take You Home.” He’s one of the founding editors of Barrelhouse. Sometimes he drinks boxed wine and tweets about the things on his television @housleydave