1. Because Claudia Rankine is way more qualified to give the keynote address than you.
2. The Literary Genius of Fred Durst? Nope.
3. An all-white, all-male panel? What were you thinking?!
4. Because you can’t fill an hour reading from the McDonalds secret menu.
5. Because Creative Native Hawaiian Fiction Seen Through a Non-Fiction Digital Lense: LGBT Issues in the Post-Metamodern Contempory Literary Spotlight Related Arena is not yet a thing.
6. Nobody blogs anymore, silly!
7. Because no-one wants to hear about New Poetry from Wombats.