This year, Booker Prize clickbae includes all-conquering Americans.

KIM KARDASHIAN

Damn sucks!!! I’m so proud of the Reid family for getting through it all! Love you guys! This hot literary agent totally deserves to win…

DONALD TRUMP

When Ireland sends its writers, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems. They’re bringing family drama, they’re bringing unhappiness. They’re previous winners of the Booker and some, I assume, are good people, but I speak to book reviewers and they’re telling us what we’re getting.

WALTER PALMER

Don’t ask me.

JEB BUSH

Laila Lalami es un escritor transformado.

JONATHAN FRANZEN

I was hoping for a Great Report on birds. I can’t wait, however, for Tom Cruise to play U.

TAYLOR SWIFT

Obioma tells the story of four Nigerian brothers and YES :)

 

ROBERT DOWNEY JR

Things that you wrote in a novel seven months ago, I could pick that apart for two hours and be no closer to the truth than I’d be giving you some half-assed insight right now. I couldn’t even really tell you what the Blackpool Illuminations are.

HILARY CLINTON

Subject: Re: Gilead

Pls print plot summary for me.

PAT MONAHAN

Did you make it to the ashram to see the lights all faded?

NIKKI SIXX

With sobriety and a flat in Sheffield anything is possible.

RACHEL DOLEZAL

I identify as music.

FREDERICK SEIDEL

It was a beautiful, breezy, yellow-and-green afternoon
With Red inside my vagina
July ‘59. Nothin could be fina.
I almost missed French Indochina.
Don’t drool. Don’t be uncool,
You’re uncool.

TAO LIN

where can I be alone with new york relationships