….American Sex

American Sex is like decent photography. Snap a shot of what his face looked like when he came, when you did that to him, or this to him.

American Sex is corny music videos.

Americans like their sex like their food porn and their monster trucks.

Making sandwiches, hot dog between two buns, hamburgers with meet in the middle and some squirty sauces. American Sex = choosing to ingest artificial sugar. American Sex is overprocessed, not savored, depeche dating.

delta kream
(William Eggleston)

Bigger is better. Splashing in the mud. Tires spinning.

Americans think they all want 3-somes. Only 14% of the population has had one. They are overrated anyhow.

American Sex is straight. We all think we’re arrows that can reach around, um, and round.

You'd put an arrow through my heart, round and round – by Ratt

Americans don’t talk about how period sex is really a cherry on top. Americans would agree with each other that Red Wings is just a hockey team.

Americans are puritanical. Sex is satanic, lust, gluttony, jealousy and greed and all that jazz, all that jizz. Americans are not really Satanic.

New Yorkers sometimes make big charts of who has done who, so they don’t get diseases and everyone knows what’s up. New Yorkers can pick each other up on the walk home from the subway. New York Sex is frenetic, up-front and direct.

Los Angelenos like their sex like their Hollywood. Slightly overweight dudes only want girls when they lose fifteen pounds, because like, like, uh, they deserve it- just like the ones on tv and in movies. Dudes with love-handles insist on only flat bellies and women who have the bodies of eleven year old boys.

young and old

torch cafe
William Eggleston

Los Angeleno Sex is like the desert- dry, dusty and makes you choke. No lube helps American societal friction.

American Sex is like America- a desolate road of old signs you passed by. Two coasts spread wide apart, a whole lotta nothing in between. American Sex.

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Cornelia grew up in the wooded lands of The Blair Witch and the times of the nineties. She's learning the trials and tribulations of phone app dating on the dirty streets of Downtown Los Angeles, whilst making sure Hollywood stays Satanic and playing the theremin.
Editor's Note: plz send all comments and questions for our Sex Columnists to other[at]queenmobs[dot]com

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