Amateur Psychoanalysis of Children’s Literature

1. Oompa Loompas—representative of id, ego and superego’s integration.

2. Eat me, drink me, tell me again all the ways Alice isn’t acting out a Christ Complex?

3. Sure, Pippi Longstocking has Daddy issues, but what’s more concerning, have you see her horse?

4. Though often misdiagnosed as a compulsive literalists,when it comes to Amelia Bedelia’s affliction there is no DSM-VI listing.

5. Does George suffer from a Cinderella or Oedipal Complex? This is undecided, but clearly, his keeper is a giant banana.

6. Freud believed that spiders are the unconscious’ symbol for vaginas—what does that say about Wilbur (a pig) and Charlotte (a spider)?

7. Green Eggs and Ham is just another way of denying one’s male and female latent phase of development.

8. What James is actually doing with a sky-born peach remains to be seen but plenty of people can see it’s a giant piece of ass.

9. Willy Wonka: isn’t that the most penisey name you’ve ever heard? Each child is a different deadly sin.

10. Dick and Jane don’t cotton to coincidence. Dog is God spelled backwards, and Spot is Tops, writes Jane in her synchronicity diary.

11. For Veruca Salt to be put right, like all narcissists of her ilk, requires no less but a good thrashing.

12. It never was a dream, the lands Max embarks upon, the lands Where the Wild Things Are, but man’s journey into his subconscious.

13. Good Night Moon or as poet Dylan Thomas raged against the dying of the light, do not go gently: a bedtime story for the elderly.

14. The Very Hungry Caterpillar, not to be confused with The Human Centipede.

15. Everyone Poops— symbol of anal development phase or manifestation of castration anxiety?

16. Are You My Mother is the refrain in every therapist’s office, in every lover’s bed.

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