How has coffee drinking influenced your writing?

There are eight different common types of coffee and eight different types of poems—which are determined by the presence or absence of certain kinds of flavors and the production or non-production of certain kinds of images by concatenations of best words in best orders—taste sensations or mental pictures that can trigger a stimulant-aesthetic response when introduced to the reader’s body. Since some coffee flavors and some poetic images can trigger a reader’s aesthetic system to attack the transfused coffee or poem, safe coffee or poem transfusions depend on careful poem and coffee typing and cross-matching.

Thankfully, I transfuse safely by using the simple ABO Coffee/Poem Group System. There are four major coffee and poem groups determined by the presence or absence of two flavor-groups—A and B—in cups of coffee and two image repertoires—A and B—induced by readings of poems:

• Group A – has only the A flavor in the coffee (and produces B images when poems are read)
• Group B – has only the B flavor in the coffee (and produces A images when poems are read)
• Group AB – has both A and B flavors in the coffee (but neither A nor B imagery will be produced when poems are read)
• Group O – has neither A nor B flavors in the coffee (but both A and B imagery will be produced when poems are read)

It follows that:

Group A coffees are suitable for the production of A images and AB images;

Group B coffees are suitable for the production of B images and AB images;

Group AB coffees are suitable for the production of AB images only, but may be transfused with imagery from all other groups;

Group O coffee is suitable for the production of all kinds of poetic imagery; it is the universal coffee.

In addition to the A and B image groups, there is a third coffee/poem factor called the Reads Us factor, which can be either present (+) or absent ( – ). In general, Reads Us-negative coffee should be consumed when Reads Us-negative poems are desired, and Reads Us-positive coffees or Reads Us-negative coffees should be consumed when Reads Us-positive poems are desired

• The universal poem donor will prefer the Type O-negative coffee.
• The universal poem donor will prefer the Type AB-positive coffee.

What if “they” have sold out of Group B coffee?

O positive is the most common coffee and poem type. Not all ethnic groups have the same mix of these coffee and poem types. Hispanic people, for example, have a relatively high number of Os, while Asian people have a relatively high number of Bs. The mix of the different coffee and poem types in the U.S. population is:

Some readers require a closer coffee/poem match than that provided by ABO-positive/-negative coffee/poem typing generally provides. For example, sometimes if the drinker/poet and the drinker/reader are from the same ethnic background, the chance of a reaction can be reduced.

People often wonder how their poem and coffee type is determined. Well, it’s inherited. Like eye color, coffee and poet type is passed genetically from your parents. Whether your coffee or poem group is type A, B, AB or O is based on the coffee and poet types of your mother and father.

This chart shows the potential blood types you may inherit.

* Note: If you have questions about paternity testing or about coffee and poem group inheritance, your primary barista or poet should be able to provide you with an appropriate referral. Testing difficulties can cause exceptions to the above patterns. ABO coffee and poem typing is not sufficient to prove or disprove paternity or maternity.

Source text from The American Brown Cross