4: And then the Drowning Depths of the Piscean Anxiety

Originally written on July 7, 2017. “And then the Drowning Depths of the Piscean Anxiety” is the fourth part in a series of eight. All images in the sequence originally captured at Yosemite National Park.

The next intrusion
arrives before it leaves
and leaves before it arrives.

It is the ghost ship we all dread to see.
Mysterious figure we haven’t yet known.

A consolidation of will.
Coercion against willingness.

The urge to decompose.
Anxiety and the blame.

A rearing head of shame is far more staggering than a spark: I remember staggered lightning, launching into sequential squalor.

To urge to be released: to beg
to be placed
to know grace
unchallenged, bleary, and still

Removal of setting
    uprooting of urgency
        the leer of the jaw
            as the want to scream

            (the hissing is constant
            a purplish tinnitus)

Could something so arranged be so maniacal?

                Exquisite the ways the world collapses
and we barely hold on

ghost ship revisiting abandoned net
bobbing among misted swell

in a plain vision it does get better
but it will never stop its haunt
will never stop its thorough rot
carcass will never be complete
will never be completely abandoned

          the incessant
              pulpy remnant
       remedial
    gore
            reductionist offering
               tangled and pinched
                   trickery and gaunt
           ovoid gauntlet
                   incising 

an allowance
that beg that
begging

where is the resistance
encompassing as blanket
ocean of death
where we sit
and drown
forever drown
our ears
in hissing
our ears
in the drown

(
a certain confidence
a lack of solutions
winning that cannot be reached
burden that cannot cease
pressing
downward
erupting
rage
pinned
extreme
measures
)

Wait. Pause. Pass. Breath.

As the rhythm is what keeps it.
As the collected feel is what breathes it.
As the moment of rest is what grows it.
As the mindful ceremony is what grasps it.

And down it comes upon all the self’s spaces.
Patchwork of cerulean crest and brownish trough:
what does not manage to push and pull
will cause a higher diagonal rising
and the inevitable thrash momentously tragic
a cycle of rip and sheer crippling prescience.
The spaces of elevation new depths of destruction.

This is the drip that floods the room, provides the glimpse, and is quickly forgotten.