Falling
i’m gonna pretend everything’s ok
behind that mustache lie lies
i’m going to pretend i believe you
because i don’t like fighting
i say i’m a pacifist
but this kind of shit is liable to
turn me murderous
i heard about girls with baseball bats
i heard about girls with gangs
i heard about girls who just won’t take it
my fangs are in the teething stage
growing in the background somewhere
getting sharper concealed by lips
when i say i like you i mean tolerate
when i say this is a date i mean meeting
hanging out doesn’t have to lead to it
i have a boyfriend now i say
but i just said that to avoid the gleam of
boys teeth like stars like
there are people out there in the streets
there are so many things to concern ourselves with and girl you chose this
what’s your take, share it with me
share it with the whole world hurry tho
that shit’s getting icy
i feel we’ve reached a new era
but maybe i’m just wildly optimistic
looking for some honesty in this sea of performativity
is like looking for a condom in the trash when you know he didn’t use one
where are you going girl you said this was your home
and yet you said you don’t want to be alone no more
what do you want from me why are you following me who’s that calling you
what number shows up when you roll the dice when you vibrate so suddenly
are we getting a drink or nah
did you block her number or nah
are you liking pics again or nah
i’m sitting on the edge of the universe
waiting for you to say you’re here too
when i first met you girl i thought we could be something
we’re something but not without influence
Performance Anxiety
frank doesn’t want to fly
he’s worried about his carbon footprint
or so he says
yet he flies 24 hours around the world
just to complain about me
to another man
frank doesn’t believe talking
is worthwhile
unless he gets to pick who
he’s talking to
you tell me to be more gentle
with myself as i breathe my
neuroses into your neck
we’re kissing where kissing means pain
i want to bring home accolades
instead i guzzle bitterness
like it’s lemon juice. i should
just take the vitamin C & run
frank’s the kind of guy to think
your subtweets are all about him
kind to at you out of the blue
forcing some demonic battle
to erupt inside your head
frank wants to take things public
so the whole world can see
what a silly little girl you’re being
the moon is one thing
your face is another
you retracted your invite last week
this week we’ll start all over again
i invite your knees between mine
knowing violence begets more violence
knowing violence begets results
i ask frank to go easy on me
to go easy on my friends
frank laughs & says i know nothing
of struggle i couldn’t
possibly comprehend
it’s nothing personal he says
he just wants me to leave
him & his moods in peace
I will bury my hands in your skull
feel the knuckles crack as you pull
me closer like you want to own me
sometimes on the way to the subway
I think I’ll collapse I think I’ll stop breathing
there are only a handful of people
I can say “I want to die” to without fear
Ruby Brunton is a New Zealand-raised poet and performer who now lives in Brooklyn.
She spends a lot of time thinking about intimacy, how to create community and
education alternatives. Find her on twitter & tumblr @rubybrunton