Fifteen Phrases for the Neighbor Kid’s Birthday Party or a Trump Rally



You know, clowns may sound fun, but you’d be surprised how scary they actually are.


Girls are so allowed in the clubhouse.


Whoa, where’d all these guns come from?


Don’t swallow that!


Where’s the responsible adult?


Your daddy’s boss ate your piece of cake; why are you mad at Juan and Jamal?


How the fuck did I get here?* (sotto voce)*


Hey, what did I say? No punching!


No, I’m not on my period. Who taught you that?!


Why are you hiding behind that wall?




Do you know what your hat says?


Where’s the bar?


Yeah, sometimes Grampas use words we’re not supposed to say anymore.


Sorry, I have to jet. I’ve got another party to go to.


With a BA in English and an MA in German Language and Literature, Tara Campbell has a demonstrated aversion to money and power. Tweet her up at @TaraCampbellCom.

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