Dear Supporters,

We were deeply saddened to learn of the tragic incident in [insert City and State]. First and foremost, our thoughts and prayers go out to the victims and their families.

We sincerely hope that God will bring peace to all those affected and exact sweet vengeance on the deranged monster(s) who committed these dastardly acts. {Note: If the incident involved a small child shooting another person or him/herself, or anyone–child or adult–accidentally shooting any number of friends or family members, omit the second half of the sentence.}

Although we must wait till all the facts are in, it appears that a mentally unstable lone wolf {if multiple shooters, replace with “lone wolves,” even if it might seem oxymoronic} has violated the social contract upon which our great nation was built and terrorized our free society. {Once again, if the shooting was accidental or involved a gunman under the age of 8, omit this sentence.}
It is important to remember that now is not the time to debate gun control laws or talk about guns at all. In respect for the victims and their families, we must keep the focus where it belongs: on their healing and recovery. There will come a time when we can discuss how we might prevent such tragedies from happening in the future, by any and all means necessary other than gun control, but today is not that day. We must honor and respect those who we have lost. To politicize their deaths would be the greatest indignity.

Moving forward, we must also remain vigilant. There is no doubt that those who hate guns and hate our freedom will howl for knee-jerk overreactions to this tragedy. They will ask that our most basic freedoms be taken away because of a single, isolated incident. They will call for background checks and waiting periods for gun purchases. They will call for arbitrary restrictions on automatic and semi-automatic weapons. In short, they will ask us to say no to freedom and yes to fear. To all of these attempts to trample on our sacred rights, we must say no.

No law or restriction could have prevented today’s tragedy. Murder is illegal in all 50 states, but that did not stop this mentally ill person [or persons] from murdering [insert number of people killed] today in [insert City]. {If shooting was accidental and/or carried out by a toddler, omit and let the preceding sentence stand on its own.}

We must also not forget all the good guns have done for us as a people and a country. Guns allowed our ancestors to tame a wild frontier filled with exotic wildlife and a hostile indigenous population. Guns allowed our forefathers to free our land from the clutches of British tyrants. And today, guns in the hands of responsible civilians are the only remaining check against an out-of-control federal government. Without guns, the liberal establishment would destroy all that makes our country great.

And, of course, we must always remember that guns don’t kill, people do. Unless the killing is socially acceptable, then it’s the guns doing the killing. Indeed, in the battle between good men, women, and children with guns and bad men, women, and children with guns, good guns will win out in the end.

Once again, to conclude, God bless the victims and their families. And we ask that you also say a prayer for the forgotten victims of today’s tragedy: the millions of responsible gun owners who will undoubtedly become the innocent targets of even more hateful rhetoric in the coming days and weeks. Ask God to bring them peace and comfort in this very difficult time.

Sincerely,

[Insert group name]

[Insert group symbol featuring bald eagle, American flag, and assault rifle]

Andrew Knott has contributed to The Huffington Post, RAZED, and
Defenestration Magazine, among others. He lives in Orlando with his wife, two sons, and two temperamental Chihuahuas. For periodic complaints about the weather in central Florida and his kids’ sleep habits, follow him on Twitter (@aknott21). Find more hilarious (or not) writing on his website www.explorationsofambiguity.com.