Internal Sobriety Monologue #5

SUGGESTIONS FOR CAMUS

We must imagine Sisyphus sliding into the DMs.

We must imagine Sisyphus slapping the top of an immense boulder and saying “this bad boy can fit so much futility.”

Weh owo mwust wimaginye Sisyphwus hwappee owo

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ〇

wot eh heavwy bowlder owo

We must imagine Sisyphus singing “Colonel Bogey March,” like the Jawas walking into the desert in SPACEBALLS.

We must imagine Sisyphus staring into his unchanging SUBMITTABLE page.

We must imagine Sisyphus making “Old Town Road” remixes that will never be RTd by Lil Nas X.

We must imagine Sisyphus having phone sex with his Twitter reply guys.

We must imagine Sisyphus’s vibrator running out of batteries during phone sex with the Twitter reply guys, and Sisyphus pretending to cum anyways.

(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧

owo i’m cwumming ahh oh mwy gowd fwuck

We must imagine Sisyphus being called a “good corporate citizen” by his boss the first time he finally speaks up in a staff meeting.

We must imagine Sisyphus worrying that his IUD has fallen out but feeling too nervous to go to his gynecologist to verify.

We must imagine Sisyphus having heart palpitations when he sees a road with the same name as his ex.

We must imagine Sisyphus with $30,000 of undergraduate education debt despite his many scholarships.

We must imagine Sisyphus feeling disenchanted by Kamala Harris’ Rube Goldberg of a solution to this problem.

We must imagine Sisyphus creating a SEEKING ARRANGEMENTS account.

We must imagine Sisyphus deleting this SEEKING ARRANGEMENTS account the next morning.

We must imagine Sisyphus feeling so fucking uncool all the time.

(Should Sisyphus get more tattoos?)

We must imagine Sisyphus calling the suicide hotline, just because he needs someone to flirt with at night.

We must imagine Sisyphus having twenty-first century post-liberal blues.


Isabel Rae McKenzie is a devout Chicagoan and newly sober person, but she’s still living her best chaotic Virgo life. You can find her on Twitter at @birdpoems.

Submit a comment