Internal Sobriety Monologue #3

Oh god oh god oh god

What?

Why is there an empty bottle of Seagram’s in my bed

You don’t remember?

Of course I don’t because I drank an entire bottle of Seagram’s and I FUCKING SUCK

No you didn’t.

What?

You bought the Seagram’s, woke up in the middle of the night, poured a full mug of it, and then undid the screen of your window and dumped the mug and the bottle into the street.

Oh. Right.

Why didn’t I just pour it down the sink?

Because you have an impulse toward the dramatic?

Makes sense.

So I’m still sober?

Yes?

Cool cool cool cool cool.

Is dumping liquor from your window illegal?

I mean, I don’t think so, but don’t do it again.

Cool cool cool cool cool.


Isabel Rae McKenzie is a devout Chicagoan and newly sober person, but she’s still living her best chaotic Virgo life. You can find her on Twitter at @birdpoems.

Submit a comment