Day 3: Still Not at AWP

11 am: Wake up still not at AWP but under your desk at work.  You’ve pulled a Costanza.

11:15 am:  Emerge from desk and smile at coworkers, mumbling something about a pen that fell under there.

11:30 am:  Take your lunch break, run home and shower.

12:30 pm: Return to work with a set of “texts” you would like to present to your boss.

12:33 pm: Watch as boss tosses your manuscript into the trash and tells you to do your job.

13:35 pm: Leave his office mumbling, “But this is only my day job.”

1 pm: Invite colleagues at your meeting to say one positive thing about each other’s work before offering any criticism.

1:15 pm: Look at your phone to see they are all tweeting about you.  They are not following the AWP 2015 tweeting guidelines.

1:20 pm:  Remind them this is supposed to be civil.  They all walk out.

1:22 pm:  Your boss calls you into his office to remind you that this isn’t a hippie camp for creative types and if that’s what you think a meeting on acquisitions consists of, well, then you can leave.

1:30 pm: Walk to the bar across the street, order a drink and offer to write poems and sign books for passersby.

1:32 pm: Place a card in front of your table reading “Booth # 3454.”

1:33 pm: Feel an overwhelming sense of self-worth.

1:34 pm: Tweet selfies of you with booth number until finally an old friend who is actually at AWP tweets back that he’s coming to say hello.

1:35 pm: Begin waiting for him.

1:50 pm: Stop waiting.  Realize you’re in different time zones.


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