11 am: Wake up still not at AWP but under your desk at work. You’ve pulled a Costanza.
11:15 am: Emerge from desk and smile at coworkers, mumbling something about a pen that fell under there.
11:30 am: Take your lunch break, run home and shower.
12:30 pm: Return to work with a set of “texts” you would like to present to your boss.
12:33 pm: Watch as boss tosses your manuscript into the trash and tells you to do your job.
13:35 pm: Leave his office mumbling, “But this is only my day job.”
1 pm: Invite colleagues at your meeting to say one positive thing about each other’s work before offering any criticism.
1:15 pm: Look at your phone to see they are all tweeting about you. They are not following the AWP 2015 tweeting guidelines.
1:20 pm: Remind them this is supposed to be civil. They all walk out.
1:22 pm: Your boss calls you into his office to remind you that this isn’t a hippie camp for creative types and if that’s what you think a meeting on acquisitions consists of, well, then you can leave.
1:30 pm: Walk to the bar across the street, order a drink and offer to write poems and sign books for passersby.
1:32 pm: Place a card in front of your table reading “Booth # 3454.”
1:33 pm: Feel an overwhelming sense of self-worth.
1:34 pm: Tweet selfies of you with booth number until finally an old friend who is actually at AWP tweets back that he’s coming to say hello.
1:35 pm: Begin waiting for him.
1:50 pm: Stop waiting. Realize you’re in different time zones.