1. Sometimes my body does things I cannot control & that scares me.
  2. The Christmas Eve Service was still about buying things.
  3. The pastor compared our broken bodies to products: to boxes.
  4. Also said we put God in a box.
  5. “This”, he says, “is irony”
  6. Matthew 1:22-23
  7. God is Post-Box
  8. In Evangelism school we were always taught that no one can argue with your story, so, use your story.
  9. In MFA school this could also be true, but I never use my own story.
  10. In Evangelism school we were taught to get our entirety into a 3-minute story arc:
    1. Pre-Conversion / Darkness
    2. Conversion/ The “AHA!” Moment
    3. Post-Conversion/ Life as Struggle
  11. Could mixed metaphor be the sacred?
  12. Romans 8:38-39
  13. I have been downstairs once this Christmas and have seen no persons. The time here in Washington State is 9:07.
  14. The most fitting song right now is the Big Sean & Ariana Grande duet, “Best Mistake”. Likely because it has nothing to do with my life or Christmas.
  15. I just made a smoothie: kale, oranges, chia seed, hemp seed, maple syrup.
  16. This is my first Christmas home in 3 years. The first Christmas after the stroke, the breakup, the marriage, the therapy, the acupuncture. You think you’re healed, then you’re not.
  17. The best gifts given so far were all from me:
    1. 3 selfie sticks to my brothers
    2. Citizen by Claudia Rankine to my mother
  18. Think I got enough $$$$ to pay my rent
  19. This might turn into a food blog because I am the preparer of the Xmas dinner. First step: radicchio with manchego salad. Nothing better than bitter greens.
  20. Opening presents took an hour even though each person received (on average) seven gifts. This is typically the fault of the Person Playing Santa who hands out the gifts to be opened. To best Santa typically has gifts on Deck to be passed out during the opening of a gift. This can bring the gift opening down to about 20 minutes max. The Unnamed Santa today waited for Thank Yous and Smiles before looking for the next gift to give to the receiver.
  21. I’m not getting a lot of Tinder action today. The current time here is 11:18.
  22. Should I go Darker or Lighter?
  23. I just cooked shallots in an olive oil caramel. That was fucked up. Then I added thyme & sherry.
  24. Should I add more facts about my life so this doesn’t get boring?
  25. Are facts about my life boring?
  26. I spent the last two hours cooking. I made The Best Ever Porcini and Rosemary Crusted Beef Tenderloin with Port Sauce.
  27. It was likely the best thing I have ever made. My mother, sister, brother-in-law microwaved it because they like their meat overdone.
  28. The Christmas Live Blog can only really be a reflection of pain and chaos. I don’t know how to make it funny without using cliche Christmas occurrences.
  29. My mother needed eggnog and went to the only store open and they didn’t have eggnog so she is drinking heavy cream with rum in it.
  30. Soon I have to visit my grandmother. She thinks she is in Hawaii at the Hilton.
  31. Everyone’s family is the same. Everyone could cry about something if they thought about it for awhile.
  32. My Live Blog got boring so I yelled at my mother thinking I could get some good tidbits. She, instead, walked away.
  33. The most I have grown in the last few years is the new knowledge that I love drama and sometimes cause it.
  34. I got 2 messages on Tinder wishing me a “Merry X-Mas”
  35. My Dream Lover for the Future is someone good at technology and technological music. Someone to really Collab with.
  36. Christmas horrifies me.
  37. Also, racist police horrify me. Also, people using the death of two police officers to put an end to protests horrifies me. Also, this seems like a conspiracy.
  38. Also, put in the comments what substances I should consume to Get High!!!
  39. Most people feel the same way I feel now, but more often.
  40. I have been reminded how many amazing friends I have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  41. Rachel Zucker said (in Museum of Accidents) something like, “if you see yourself going dark, don’t.”
  42. My friend Joe just texted me to ask me how many bathrooms are in my house: 4! This is convenient because I really upped my magnesium intake for anxiety and dat rly gives ya da shits.
  43. We all have the same problems.
  44. Ending here: 44.






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