…Sex Three-Parter

Do things to have stuff to write about. Do people to have someone to write about? Even if they're not much to write home about.

Part One

BS: Birds and Bees, Sex with Strangers

Emotional claustrophobe seeks intermittent intimate relations, then seeks to be alone the rest of the time.

A flirty friend of twenty years met a woman on Tinder- she has a high school education and worked at a cosmetic counter and was a dozen years younger than him, and quit her job for him after knowing each other for a few days- they traveled. Huh? Was I having connection problems or are they just really stupid? You read about the woman who got asked to go abroad for three weeks on a first date with a guy from online dating. Huh? Just say no, right? He could be a cannibal who wants to eat your face, like eat it for dinner.

It’s winter for most now. You’re still with your seasonal snuggler, but get ready for warm reality injections to come. Bumble bees in the spring. You know what else stings? Rejection. But you can use it for self therapy because everything is a social experiment, right? Rejection therapy. Yep. Disappearing Fear 

Hooked up with a guy twice, then… told him explicitly what I wanted to do to him and then never heard from him again (post coital invisibilia it turned out to be), but flipping the tables was fun. Guys do that all the time- say pervy stuff to women, who block them. Guys seem to get over it quicker. Gals should too and also not care. If he can’t get with it, he can get outta there. So I found someone else who looked like him who cracked me up and hooked up with him. Done and done. Guys do that all the time. Seen it. It’s fine for gals to do it and admit it.

rejected collage

Part Two

OSX: The Opposite of Sex

Perceived possible rejection. Better or worse than real outright rejection?

Then the other night, I heard the most breathy “good night, bye” in a car, during a hug, I’d ever heard from a guy before. My friend who’s in a long term relationship says this is “the grasp”. I told him “the grasp is always greener, huh?” Is the grasp really more exciting that the first date reach around?

This is the second time in my life a boy has withheld on me. One made me wait a month. Even stayed in a hotel room once and he wouldn’t put out. We dated for eight months- he drove me nuts. Now he works at a pastry shop by my house. That’s comedy.

Same guy friend also tells me he and his guys friends talked about how they fake orgasms when need be. I’m like “How do you even do that?” He said one guy spit on a girl’s back and pretended. I said, “I think a woman would hear and know.” He said, “Not if you’re both making a lot of other noises.” I’m dumbfounded. Ladies, has this ever happened to you before?


Part Three

SP: Special: Sleep Sex and Parallel Possibilities

Segmented sleep & sex in the middle of the night. Sleep, get up, do it, go back to sleep. Dreamy, right? Modernity has made us stop doing this, for the most part. Revolution. Let’s bring it back.

Possibilities of self-ness. You’re a different person with each and every new person. I went out on a date with an ex NFL kicker. We watched football. He asked me if I had to stay in LA for work or could I work anywhere because he didn’t want to raise kids in LA. This was date one. I went on a date with an animator who liked the color pink. I started paying attention to the color pink, not something I’m normally inclined towards. I wasn’t stunned by him at first sight, but after he went for it, I wanted his sex. What gives? Now I don’t want it anymore. Rejection. That shipped sailed. At least I hope he didn’t show his friends what I wrote to him.

Never Wanted Your Love

I went out with a guy who recommended cartoons for me to watch. I liked them. I love Dita Pepe. She with her parallel universal outcomes of love. She’d be like this or that if she had ended up with this guy or that guy. She shows us visually. If only we had a real life simulator to show us what could be so we could make better decisions. Or would that be boring? Uncertainty is certainly entertaining. Calling sci-fi writers and scientists.

For more parallel universe love thingies- watch Mr. Nobody.

Cornelia grew up in the wooded lands of The Blair Witch and the times of the nineties. She's learning the trials and tribulations of phone app dating on the dirty streets of Downtown Los Angeles, whilst making sure Hollywood stays Satanic and playing the theremin.
Editor's Note: plz send all comments and questions for our Sex Columnists to other[at]queenmobs[dot]com

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