Editor’s Note: People have been asking me how I got Jonathan Franzen to judge this contest. The truth is, I didn’t ask him to. In fact, I wasn’t planning on having a contest at all. Franzen simply burst into my office one day and started judging all the fiction he could get his hands on. I tried to get him to stop, but he put me in a headlock and started giving me a noogie. I had no choice but to let him do whatever he wanted.
Judge’s Note: I’m Jonathan Franzen, Lord of All Fiction. Usually, I pay no attention to the internet or basically to anything that isn’t me. However, I’ve been monitoring Queen Mob’s Tea House quite closely, and frankly, I hate it. It’s just awful. It is possibly the worst site on the internet. There’s a good reason for that: I’ve not been on there at all.
In order to rectify this, I’ve created a new prize named after one of my biggest inspirations: Jonathan Franzen. I read through all of the fiction submissions and unable to find one worthy of attaching my name to, I decided to write my own piece and award it the prize. Of course, I’m much too humble to simply give the award to myself, so I used my pen name: Prof. Njguna Ndungu.
Below, you can read Ndungu’s innovative work, certainly worthy of the name “Jonathan Franzen.”
Thanks to all who submitted to my judgment, whether they knew it or not. Keep on dreaming big.